He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
