I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
