omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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