i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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