get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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