you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
