I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
