i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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