remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
