after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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