just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found puke in my bra..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
