Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
