She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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