The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize