I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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