But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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