what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize