i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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