eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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