i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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