ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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