I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize