When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize