sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
