i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
