Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
