So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
