i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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