I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize