I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
