I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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