nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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