I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
