Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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