There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
