just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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