That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
