Screwed.edu
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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