My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize