it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
