If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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