so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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