Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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