I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
time to smoke my breakfast
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
