why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
