the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
