Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love you. Go after that dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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