White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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