I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
