i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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