I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
