I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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