i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
3pm strippers are depressing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
