You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
