He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
