Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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