GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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