Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
