can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
