Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
