I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I look better un-naked...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
