Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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