i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
