I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
