Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
