I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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